IDENTITY PACT

This is the fourth in a series of short plays I have wrote about outlaws Vince and Thrash. The first Suicide Pact featured the duo trying to commit suicide to become famous. The second, Murder Pact, they planned on a killing spree to gain notoriety. In the third, they were in jail and determined to make a prison break.

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IDENTITY PACT

Cast:

VINCE

THRASH

ESTEBAN

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(An orphanage, possibly in Mexico.

Vince shepherds children through the halls. One boy, Esteban, stops in line to ask a question.)

ESTEBAN: Mr. Vince, tell us again how you built this orphanage with your bare hands.

VINCE: They were bleeding my amigo. But I kept stacking those sweet bricks until the children came.

ESTEBAN: Maravilloso!

(The door opens and a shadowy figure emerges as THRASH.)

THRASH: (yelling.) Dude, you’re living a lie!

VINCE: I’m helping the children! Also, the judge told you stay 500 feet away from schools.

THRASH: I don’t follow rules. Remember the thrill?

VINCE: I don’t. No one read my poetry on Instagram.

THRASH: They never will. It’s terrible. 

(Pause.)

That’s why we write someone else’s.

VINCE: What?

THRASH: Just get a fake ID. You can sign books as Rupi Kaur. I’ll be… Michelangelo or some shit. I can sell all kinds of sculptures.

VINCE: I don’t look anything like Rupi Kaur. I’m also a man.

THRASH: Stop being toxic with your gender labels. Are you in or not?

VINCE: You are aware Michelangelo is dead?

THRASH: No one knows that except nerds who edit Wikipedia.

VINCE: (haughty.) I’m doing the public a service when I correct inaccuracies.

THRASH: I just made a page saying you’re a centerfold in Playgirl magazine.

VINCE: Take that down. It’s body shaming.

THRASH: Make me.

(They start fighting.)

VINCE: Don’t get me on the registry like you.

THRASH: I’m not like that. I just wanted to sculpt a child for art. But I realize how bad that sounds.

VINCE: You always sound bad.

THRASH: You often sound good but I hate your face. So you suck.

(Stop fighting.)

VINCE: That was really big of you, man. Thank you.

THRASH: I calls ’em like I sees ’em.

VINCE: Maybe we should ditch this orphanage and pretend to be famous.

THRASH: That’s the spirit. Let’s go.

VINCE: I’ll bring the milk and honey.

(They both laugh as the scene shifts to an empty book signing.)

THRASH: Where is everybody? Rupi Kaur gets huge crowds.

VINCE: You even wore your toga like Michelangelo probably did?

THRASH: Maybe we should have streamed it on Twitch.

(ESTEBAN suddenly enters with a stack of Rupi Kaur books.)

VINCE: My amigo!

ESTEBAN: Marvailloso!