This is the fourth in a series of short plays I have wrote about outlaws Vince and Thrash. The first Suicide Pact featured the duo trying to commit suicide to become famous. The second, Murder Pact, they planned on a killing spree to gain notoriety. In the third, they were in jail and determined to make a prison break.
(An orphanage, possibly in Mexico.
Vince shepherds children through the halls. One boy, Esteban, stops in line to ask a question.)
ESTEBAN: Mr. Vince, tell us again how you built this orphanage with your bare hands.
VINCE: They were bleeding my amigo. But I kept stacking those sweet bricks until the children came.
(The door opens and a shadowy figure emerges as THRASH.)
THRASH: (yelling.) Dude, you’re living a lie!
VINCE: I’m helping the children! Also, the judge told you stay 500 feet away from schools.
THRASH: I don’t follow rules. Remember the thrill?
VINCE: I don’t. No one read my poetry on Instagram.
THRASH: They never will. It’s terrible.
That’s why we write someone else’s.
THRASH: Just get a fake ID. You can sign books as Rupi Kaur. I’ll be… Michelangelo or some shit. I can sell all kinds of sculptures.
VINCE: I don’t look anything like Rupi Kaur. I’m also a man.
THRASH: Stop being toxic with your gender labels. Are you in or not?
VINCE: You are aware Michelangelo is dead?
THRASH: No one knows that except nerds who edit Wikipedia.
VINCE: (haughty.) I’m doing the public a service when I correct inaccuracies.
THRASH: I just made a page saying you’re a centerfold in Playgirl magazine.
VINCE: Take that down. It’s body shaming.
THRASH: Make me.
(They start fighting.)
VINCE: Don’t get me on the registry like you.
THRASH: I’m not like that. I just wanted to sculpt a child for art. But I realize how bad that sounds.
VINCE: You always sound bad.
THRASH: You often sound good but I hate your face. So you suck.
VINCE: That was really big of you, man. Thank you.
THRASH: I calls ’em like I sees ’em.
VINCE: Maybe we should ditch this orphanage and pretend to be famous.
THRASH: That’s the spirit. Let’s go.
VINCE: I’ll bring the milk and honey.
(They both laugh as the scene shifts to an empty book signing.)
THRASH: Where is everybody? Rupi Kaur gets huge crowds.
VINCE: You even wore your toga like Michelangelo probably did?
THRASH: Maybe we should have streamed it on Twitch.
(ESTEBAN suddenly enters with a stack of Rupi Kaur books.)
VINCE: My amigo!