Explaining Coffee to Future Humans.

“So, we put beans in the water to wake up.”


“Why beans? You have the miraculous gift of water and you put beans in it?”


“We have to wake up.”


“Were early humans plagued with sleep disorders?”


“Yes, but that’s an entirely different topic.”


“The only motivation we need to wake up is escaping the laser ants.”


“Laser ants?”


“Yeah, they come at 4:30 in the morning and destroy everything.”


“Sounds like a terrifying alarm clock.”


“What’s an alarm clock?”


“It’s a machine that wakes us up. It makes loud noises.”


“The laser ants do that too. Also, the children screaming… you should really be glad the process is automated.”


“I wish there was something we could do in the past for you.”


“There is. Live every day like it’s your last. And avoid promises from experimental humans promising ant-like powers.”


“Why would anyone want ant powers?”


“They don’t look it, but they can really dig trenches between the U.S. and Mexico. Or as we know them, McWasteland and the Smoking Sombrero Heap.”


“That’s racist.”


“We don’t have racism in the future.”




“Yeah, we’ve been charred beyond all recognition. I kind of miss it.”


“I’ll tell you what. Let’s try coffee. You might like it.”


“Does it require annual tribute in sugar cubes?”


“Of course not. They take green paper.”


“Paper!? What rubes.”

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