My Gameplan for the Apocalypse

Since everyone is doing it, I thought it right to detail my plans for the end of society. What’s that? Of course, it’s vogue. If there’s one thing it’s Ben Ditmars knows, it’s what’s vogue. And if there are two things I know, it’s probably how off-putting third-person portrayals can be. Regardless, in the events that follow, I will have a full-proof survival strategy: unless Pet Rocks arrive from the ’80s with revenge in their hearts.

  1. Zombie or Large-Scale Epidemic
    Assuming the Umbrella Corporation buys Dow Chemicals or acquires a massive government contract, we can expect human experimentation that will lead to murderous monsters. It’s just good business. And my chance at living out the future my adolescence prepared me for. How would I survive? There wouldn’t be near enough bullets or hedge clippers to go Tallahassee from the movie Zombieland. I would have to improvise and cure all the deformed hippies being vagrants in my yard. First, I would go to the medicine cabinet and find the rubbing alcohol. Then scream about cotton balls. Why are they never where I left them? Once I tore the bathroom apart like the undead monsters I want to re-kill, the alcohol goes on the cotton balls. Then, BAM! I stand on the roof and huck them at passing brain Nazis. You know it will work, because rubbing alcohol is good at killing bacteria – and probably the T-Virus.
  2. Asteroid or Comet Collision
    There aren’t many places you can hide when the earth has angry sex with a space rock. My initial reaction might be to seek high ground as the oceans engulf my last hope for Chicken McNuggets (I don’t miss them now, but I know after the earth has descended into eternal darkness I will want the flavor only processed meat dipped in ranch dressing can provide). My best bet? I’ve long suspected the highest setting on my ceiling fan has  a greater purpose than shaking the walls like a demonic helicopter. Obviously the creators of this contraption never intended any mere mortal to pull the cord three times. If I so dare (an am worthy of this Zeus-like power) the upward force of my fan should push the asteroid to another unsuspecting solar system, preferably without fans of their own.
  3. Trump Becoming President
    The Donald receiving the Republican nomination for President of the United States is scary enough, let alone him actually fitting his hair into Oval Office. There is an easier solution than living under a demagogue bent on denying basic freedoms to Muslims and women. Mexico pays to build the wall… around Trump. Think about it: Trump gets to rant all he wants and we don’t have to hear him speak. His supporters can hop in Cask of Amontilado style as we brick them in. They can even go down in the manner of Pharoahs with their life-size love-dolls of David Duke and copies of Mein Kampf.

Calling All Poets for #NationalPoetryMonth

A Life Among The Pages

Poetry Month FB Banner

That’s right! April is POETRY MONTH on A Life Among the Pages. And even better, April is NATIONAL POETRY MONTH all over the United States (and other countries, since social media helps these things spread worldwide).

If you don’t know what my Poetry Month or NPM is, you might not have been around the blog for long. If that’s the case, I’ll keep it simple: We celebrate poetry is a variety of ways for an entire month.

That’s what I’d like to do for the month of April, again, this year. I’d like to get as many poets and poetry lovers together to celebrate. With the help of everyone wanting to be involved, we’ll be able to have new poetry shared, thoughts on poetry, and anything else we can think of. If this sounds like something you or someone you know would like to help take part in, please contact…

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Please Help

My friend and author Charity Parkerson has done so much to help people (whether it has been kind words, advice, or just being there) and now she needs help as well. She is having serious heart problems and could use anything you can afford donate. Please do. Her family needs her and so do her friends. And everyone.


This is a very special post!!!

Writing a longer post tonight but Kim has a very heartfelt message, I would like to share.

Purplerose123's Blog

Charity Charity

My friend and phenomenal author, lady, mother to two teenaged boys, wife, daughter, sister, all around sweet lady “Charity Parkerson needs our help.  You see she has heart problems and the medical bills are piling up. She needs a new machine to help her breath at night, it cost a lot. As we all know medical cost are out of this world!!!!! Please help out her “Go fund page with whatever you can afford, every little bit would help. I’ve never written a post like this. Thank you for reading and donating if possible. I’ll leave you with a picture of this sweet lady

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Echoes of Laughter

“it’s all accumulation and the aftermath,”
she says as I would question her
about the failing earth and
giants unaware that they
are sinking every day –

we share what’s left
of predetermination as
the echoes of her laughter
warm my heart.

© Ben Ditmars 2016


Photograph Courtesy of Kim Stapf

Read her blog here.

Let Me Burn

maybe I am selfish
like a spark on snow
deserves the dark, but
fire is the only light
that burns so much
as truth, so give me
solace in the cigarettes
still lit, pretending
you aren’t his, and
let me burn.

© Ben Ditmars 2016

Image Source: Flickr with animation by LunaPic


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