Signs Our Sun is Middle-Aged

5 billion years old and 5 billion years left.

1. Traded its cool sunglasses for Aviators.

2. Passed over for promotion to “regular star” at work.

3. Telling planets to “get off its lawn.”

4. Complains about low-H.

5. Naps during solar flares.

6. Receding helium.

7. Recovering from bad divorce with Alpha Centauri.

8. Insists pulsars turn down “infernal” frequencies.

9. Exchanged asteroid belt for sweatpants.

10. Calls Neptune when it wants Pluto.